Totally Random Gadget

Faith. Food. (In)Fertility.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Fake it 'til you make it!

My heart is healing, and this is good. I suppose setbacks are normal, especially considering changes in hormones (or lack thereof?)  I'm still finding a balance on these pills. My choices seem to be: hot flashes and severe mood swings, or headaches, weight gain, mood swings, and stupid acne. I mean, worse-than-teenager acne. As if this whole thing wasn't a drag, I get giant, hard, painful zits, 2 to 5 at a time: groups of monstrosities my face never saw, even as a high-school girl.  I call foul! I OBJECT! I strenuously OBJECT!

I dreamed the other night that I went to the doctor for my tooth, and he prescribed me an anti-depressant/ anti-anxiety.  I wonder.....


My poor niece. I only half-honestly wanted to steal her chubby, blue-eyed 5-month-old when we visited my family recently.  Smiley, beautiful bundle of love. Setbacks. Yea, they happen. 

And then I go to Walmart and see someone's unattended toddler playing in the bulk pinto beans and think to myself "Thank you, Lord, for making the best decision for me."

Often, lately, I am walking through the motions of gratitude.  I pretty much fake it,  but it's working, little by little. I am grateful. I am grateful. I am grateful. Grateful for the screaming infants in restaurants and grocery stores.  Grateful for the entitled teenagers. Grateful for this terrible, horrible sin infested world that I do NOT have to raise a baby in.  Grateful that I won't have to confront birth control or TV parental controls or any other controls. The compounding and overwhelming negatives (zeitgeist, cough, cough) are affording me a positive.  Thank you, Lord!

I am soooooo believable!

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