My heart is healing, and this is good. I suppose setbacks are normal, especially considering changes in hormones (or lack thereof?) I'm still finding a balance on these pills. My choices seem to be: hot flashes and severe mood swings, or headaches, weight gain, mood swings, and stupid acne. I mean, worse-than-teenager acne. As if this whole thing wasn't a drag, I get giant, hard, painful zits, 2 to 5 at a time: groups of monstrosities my face never saw, even as a high-school girl. I call foul! I OBJECT! I strenuously OBJECT!
I dreamed the other night that I went to the doctor for my tooth, and he prescribed me an anti-depressant/ anti-anxiety. I wonder.....
Anyway!
My poor niece. I only half-honestly wanted to steal her chubby, blue-eyed 5-month-old when we visited my family recently. Smiley, beautiful bundle of love. Setbacks. Yea, they happen.
And then I go to Walmart and see someone's unattended toddler playing in the bulk pinto beans and think to myself "Thank you, Lord, for making the best decision for me."
Often, lately, I am walking through the motions of gratitude. I pretty much fake it, but it's working, little by little. I am grateful. I am grateful. I am grateful. Grateful for the screaming infants in restaurants and grocery stores. Grateful for the entitled teenagers. Grateful for this terrible, horrible sin infested world that I do NOT have to raise a baby in. Grateful that I won't have to confront birth control or TV parental controls or any other controls. The compounding and overwhelming negatives (zeitgeist, cough, cough) are affording me a positive. Thank you, Lord!
I am soooooo believable!
